Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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