So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just high enough for therapy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
