by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize