Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
