I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
