I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
