You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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