I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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