my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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