so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize