You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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