Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
