It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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