Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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