just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
