They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You can't motorboat a personality
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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