my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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