i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
