My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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