Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sry I called you an 8
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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