I smell stomach acid.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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