I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
