I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
