Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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