to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
