My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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