He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
