if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
