So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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