margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Randomize
