Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
