I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
only if we run a train.
done.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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