yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
