Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
