There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
