out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
