please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
