It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
