What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
