if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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