i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
