That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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