You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
