She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My pussy is not your playground.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
