It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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