At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
