I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
