I accidentally had phone sex last night
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
