I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
