I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
