I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
