woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
