You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
