I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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