So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
