A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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