I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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