Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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