I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
