I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
