Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
