So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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