community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
