doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
