do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
